Years ago I was in a group trying to bring healing in a denominational skirmish. We talked about mutual confession, for everyone to lay down the need to be right and to confess that all played a part in the problem. One man, representing his group, said, “I don’t know what we need to confess. We haven’t done anything wrong.” For him all the burden of the error (and the need for confession) was with the other group. I’m not immune to the “It’s not me, it’s you” line of thought; I’ve said similar things similar to what he said. I responded saying sometimes in a relationship it’s good to say “I’m sorry,” even when you think you've done nothing wrong.

Chapters 10 through 19 of the Rule of St. Benedict are mostly mundane. Benedict gives instructions on what Psalms to sing and how many for the various times of prayer. Only monks in monasteries trying to live the Rule would be concerned with the minute details. In Chapter 13, though, Benedict says at the end of Lauds and Vespers (morning and evening gatherings of prayer), the Lord’s Prayer should be recited. His reason is ”thorns of contention are likely to spring up.” Praying, twice a day, “Forgive us as we forgive,” would be a regular antidote to these contentions.

Any time human beings are together there will be challenges. Someone will say the wrong thing. Someone will take what’s said the wrong way. Feelings will be hurt and tempers will rise. If it’s marriage, family, business, church, friendship, club--whatever it is--problems will come. Forgiveness, given and received, is essential. Without confession or forgiveness human connections grow cold or disappear. I know I’ve been hurt, and I’ve caused hurts. Everyone is that way. Benedict knew that thorns of contention would grow in the monks’ life together. He asks us to put those contentions in the light of God, where we know forgiveness and are asked to forgive. Twice a day Benedict asks us to pray Jesus’ prayer, and to say the words, “Forgive us as we forgive.”