This one is tricky. Suffering is almost never viewed as positive. No one, with a healthy mind, thinks, “I really need a little more suffering in my life.” Benedict, though, in his steps of humility, advises monks to be obedient, even in rough circumstances, and when facing these circumstances have a heart that “quietly embraces suffering.” I know so many who have suffered enough. I’ve seen folks who have struggled through painful illnesses simply wanting the suffering to stop. I know many who keep going under awful circumstances, wanting to do the best for themselves and their families. For these and many more suffering through horrible situations, the last thing they need is me saying to them, “Quietly embrace your suffering.” For Benedict, though, endurance through suffering is unavoidable and essential.

When I read Paul’s letters in the New Testament, his experience of suffering surprises me. He doesn’t do well with the “quietly” part of embracing suffering, because he often boldly recounts the difficult things he endured. In his sharing of his sufferings Paul hopes he can share in Jesus’ sufferings. In Philippians he says, “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death . . .” (3:10). For Paul, these experiences of suffering are a participation in the sufferings of Christ. Medieval mystics often share the same line of thought, that their sufferings connect them to Christ and his sufferings. Maybe it’s a sign of the times we live in, but I never hear this line of thought among modern Christians.

A few years ago I was in a suffering moment. Someone said to me, without much forethought (and I’m guess no afterthought, too), “You are an example of Jesus and his suffering.” I can’t understand it in my mind, and I can’t explain it in my words, but that simple comment spoke to my heart and my suffering in ways I still seek to understand. Embrace this, Benedict is telling us. Do it quietly, because no one appreciates anyone continually recounting how hard they have it, but quietly embrace your suffering and you will find there humility and in humility a path to Jesus.

Benedict isn’t suggesting hairshirts or self-flagellations. He aims to give us “nothing harsh, nothing burdensome,” and he isn’t advising us to harm ourselves or seek out experiences of pain. He does know, though, that suffering will come to all of us. If you live you will suffer. If you love another you will suffer. If you follow Jesus you will suffer. There is no skipping this part of the deal. Benedict advises us not to run from suffering, but to embrace it and see it as a door to something better.